Hi all! Just read my last post, wow, Easter Sunday. Its mid-June now. Where have I been? Well, honestly, fighting some demons. I resigned from my last job 2/28 and threw in the towel. I was done! No mas! Finito! Completely burnt out on nursing, which in hindsight, equated to burnt out on me, period! You see, the last four years, I have been battling major depressive disorder and chronic pain. I was losing terribly. Endless vicious cycle. If you know not what I speak of, kudos to you. It sucks and it sucks big. Last July, for reasons to remain private, I reached a climax. I made the better choice, and its taken until now to reach a break through. I work closely with two important doctors in my life and we are winning, slowly. But, alas, we are winning. My faith and my support system are huge factors as well. I can not even imagine where I would be or not be right now if not for God, people who love me, and my own inner resilience which I still question to this day where it comes from. Here’s the deal now though. That towel I threw in, I think God is telling me to pick it back up. Perhaps I am not quite ready for the pasture yet. The one where all the old worn out animals go to eat dead grass in the hot sun, waiting for death to be so kind as to come quickly.
I am learning more about self, about God, about love (which was only a word, not an understood concept), about self-identity and definition, about life…the road to healing and wholeness is long and hard. Often a lonely path, often best that way. Much is learned in silence. God whispers, He can not be found in busyness and noise. So, since March 1st, I have been resting my head and body. I have been up and down and all around. I have worked closely with the most important doctor in my life right now and I am finally seeing a change for the better. I recently got a call from a small university to interview for a full-time nursing instructor position. 5 hours of interviewing, a teaching demo. and much prayer later…the job is mine if I want it. I am to call Monday with my verdict. God has opened a door I wasn’t knocking on. So, this old worn out mind and body will most likely avoid the pasture for a little while longer and give academia a try. This morning, I began reading and doing study guide by Joyce Meyer entitled, Battlefield of the Mind. Highly suggest it. I also recently sat down with a close friend and discussed me, my life, church, goals…most helpful. My husband Kevin and I can now finally refer to the last 4 years of hell for me and my family as simply “the four years” and begin anew, as we are doing. My path has been rocky and curvy, but I am stubborn, and God knew what it would take to get my attention! Amen and amen.
PS I will be around more often…look for me